The Real Housewrecks

It's true. I watch The Real Housewives of [insert city full of crazy women]. It started with the Orange County babes, after having enjoyed a season or two of The OC ("Califorrrniaaaa...").

At first, it was fun. They were mostly silly, even funny most of the time, with an acceptable amount of bitch thrown in here & there. Good, clean, rot-your-brain fun.

Then before too long, The Real Housewives of New York premiered and I had to tune in. New York City! The Hamptons! Step and Repeat! I didn't even know what that was before tuning in - I learn so much from TV.

Sadly, after a season or two, both shows went downhill fast. The bitch factor went up 400% and the silly, fun ladies were replaced by nasty, backstabbing bitches. The mean factor is astonishing, and maybe that's why I kept watching.

I don't have sisters and am pretty much a loner. I have a few good girlfriends, but they're loner-ish, like me. We don't travel in packs.

Women can be scary, on many levels, especially when in groups. We're deeply twisted and complex. Probably shouldn't be trusted with anything sharper than a spatula.

On top of the intrinsic scary factor of women in groups, it's fascinating and disturbing to watch how celebrity has affected these women. I don't understand it, but like a train wreck, I can't not look at it. Though there are a couple of exceptions...

In NY, who could have guessed that Alex, Ramona & Bethenny would have turned out to be the most normal & grounded? In OC, the smart women left the show early on - Lauri & Jo. And I must say, so glad Tamra left her bitchy, controlling husband - that was wonderful to see.

But the rest of these ladies are insane. Bananas. It seems they must be good for ratings, which is sad. It's not entertaining to watch women tear each other apart - it's just depressing.

And Kelley - Kelley Bensobatshitcrazy - whoa, betty. What. the. fuck. is. happening. there? It's too much. The entertainment factor is gone, baby, gone. All that's left is wreckage and it's sad.

So, I've moved on... my new Lady Hero is Kelly Cutrone, owner/superwoman of People's Revolution. Hardcore business woman who will also do all she can to mentor the young'uns. Truly great to see and rare to find. We need more Kelly Cutrones in the world.

Cable TV Crack

Last night I got sucked into the incredible cinematic achievement known as Purple Rain - a movie I saw many times when it came out because I was certain Prince and I would be very happy together, if he just knew where to find me.

The stunning visuals of industrial Minneapolis, dark, smoky clubs and basement apartments support a brilliant screenplay that includes poignant, insightful lines such as, "I'm so tired of this," and "You never let me have any fun."

There's no statute of limitations on asking for your money back from the Purple Artist, is there? I'm out, like, $30 - maybe more. So is my high school best friend and millions of other victims.

Actually, I'd be happy with a partial reimbursement that covers all the scenes including Prince or Appolonia. Everything with Morris and Jerome is still really entertaining. Where is Jerome these days?

After the movie VH1 showed one of my all-time favorites - Pop Up Videos, of Prince. Bubbles popping onto the screen talked about doves and pigeons being the same bird, biologically, and that they don't cry, they "coo," then in a close up frame of Prince singing, they popped up a picture of Joyce Dewitt - wearing the same hairstyle.

Earlier in the week I got sucked into Sid & Nancy for the eleventy hundredth time. There are times when I can't watch it - there's only so much junkie sadness one can take - but I still love it. You are sellin' healthy anarchy, but as long as you're an addict, you be full of shit!