OK?
Paraphrasing something I think Larry David said, every human interaction is rife with potential peril. I appreciate that sentiment now more than ever.
While I do my best to avoid drama, it happens. Sometimes it's for the best and shouldn't be avoided. Doesn't make it any easier. I wish it hadn't happened the way it did, but I can't change it now. I'm sure I could have handled things better, but I can only be myself and do the best I can.
It's been a very difficult week trying to understand what happened and how something that seemed fairly minor became a friendship-ending event. While I take full responsibility for my part in all of it, the other person is convinced that all the blame lies with me.
Switching places for a moment, I can understand the highly emotional reaction that makes me the antichrist, but to accept no responsibility? So much was said by both of us, that makes no sense whatsoever.
What's interesting about having a falling out with someone is what they might try to project onto you, showing you all the things they're really upset about with themselves. The other thing that's interesting is that no matter what you think you know about someone, you only see what they let you see. There's an ocean of shit you can never know until you get into a difficult spot and they reveal things that show you a totally different picture.
What's worse than losing a friend is realizing whatever friendship you thought you had wasn't strong enough to overcome a problem. I don't think you can call anyone a true friend until you've weathered some shit together and found a way to work through it.
It must have been a huge shock to realize I'm not all about cracking jokes and being silly. That's life. It's not all Happy Fun Ball all the time. Sometimes things get sticky and serious. I'm sure it was a crappy way to learn more about me and that sucks.
Overall, it's been a shitty couple of weeks but now it's behind me. Seems better to find out early if someone is too emotionally damaged to meet you halfway than lose a ton of time and energy trying to make the impossible work.
What I'm left with is the reminder to stay true to yourself in all things and no matter what anyone else says, trust yourself and your vision. Onward.
3 comments:
If it's any consolation, it's the best of friendships that go through this kind of thing and come out right on the other side (even if it takes some time). I hope this one does for you. And I guess this means I'm gonna have to do something to really piss you off (or vice versa) in order to enter that rarified zone... :)
I'd like to think you're right - I'm always optimistic about these things. But I also have the feeling that this person and I are in two very different places emotionally and that will make it difficult to move forward.
As for rarified zones, our friendship is already there because if I did do something to piss you off, you'd tell me straight up (and vice versa) so we could deal with it openly and get past it - and there wouldn't be any crazy emotional drama about it. The real problems start when things aren't dealt with openly, when it's not fully hashed out and totally honest. Add in some super defensiveness and soap opera-level emotion and you've got the perfect recipe for relationship disaster.
In the end it might be for the best - some people may not be a good fit and I can live with that. If only there were a litmus test you could take right away to know...
That's true ... drama is less and less fun once one departs high school. Hope you're feeling better!!
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