Heartsick

I have to admit that I might be hormonal at this moment, or it could be an accumulation of stress, but I can't believe how sad I am about being away from the animal kids.

When I rolled into town Sunday night, I realized I wasn't going "home." No one would be at this house - there's no home here anymore - just the house.

A house that now smells like it did before we moved in - like someone else's house, with someone else's things in it. Not my house. And no one in it.

That first night, every noise I heard made me expect a cat to be right behind it. No cats. When I made pasta and put it into a bowl, I automatically thought to find a small dish for Henry. No bird.

This year has been difficult with David away for most of it. I hadn't realized until now how much more attached I'd become to the fuzzy kids. It's killing me to be away from them. I want to leave right now to race home to them. Because home is wherever they are and they aren't here.

Snow in Milpenis

Took a drive down to Milpenis (Milpitas) this morning to Henry's vet. As I got closer to the foothills, just below the mist of the clouds, the tops of the hills were covered in snow.

I'd have liked to have gone exploring with my camera, but I needed to get the Bird Boy home to let him relax. Poor kid got a toenail clipped that kept bleeding - had to take him back inside for more styptic powder before heading home.


I promise I wasn't driving when I snapped that - we were stopped at a light.

Years ago I used to take Henry to work with me a few days a week & he'd hang out with my coworkers all day. I could try to take him with me to work now but I think it would be way too boring for him.

Yesterday while getting a quick chair massage I had a random thought - What if I just left - took off & left the building, like when 415 shut down and the few of us at the bitter end went packing...

That feeling like I was finally free and could go anywhere and do anything. It was a great rush. Why not just do that? The thought was very appealing.