What Are Words For?

Words are critical. Words help me make a living. Words are one of my most favorite things. It pains me when there's a lack of words. Important words. Words like: "Note: rinsing the espresso machine will take approximately [time duration] and require approximately [number] of tank refills."

Yesterday the espresso robot told me it was time to decalcify. OK. I don't have any such solution on-hand, but I pushed the button to decalcify simply so the message would go away and I could move on with my life.

It went through its paces and then told me it was time to rinse the machine. I checked the manual and this is what it says: When the descaling cycle is completed, close the knob. Rinse out the tank and fill it with fresh drinking water. Press the button to confirm the rinse cycle. Open the knob. The machine will start rinsing. When the rinse cycle is completed, close the knob and load the circuit."

Nowhere does it say how long it will rinse, how much water it will use - nothing more than exactly what it says above. All the machine says while it's rinsing is "Machine is Rinsing." Informative.

I don't want to tell you how many times I refilled that tank and switched out Pyrex cups full of fresh water, or how long I stood there doing it, because I'm still feeling so stupid, I can't even describe how stupid I still feel.

And I can't tell you how long I did this because at one point I blacked out from blind rage and hopelessness that I would ever go back to living a normal life, a life not spent tending the insatiable water needs of a rinsing espresso machine.

I will tell you that I used up BC's water supply for the rest of this year and probably broke even on the cost of car insurance (we don't pay the water bill here ;). She may not be decalcified, but she's been rinsed better than any water-using machine ever invented since the dawn of man.

Would it have been SO difficult for the Saeco people to add one line of copy to the manual, telling me it might only take ONE TANK of water to rinse the machine? That I should just let the tank run out and that would be that? Would that have been so hard?

I still don't know if that's really how it works. When I've rinsed the machine before and the water tank runs out, it tells me to refill the tank so it can keep going - and it keeps going for quite a while until the machine tells you "Rinsing Complete."

There's absolutely no information in the manual that tells the user what to do or what to expect. How thoughtless and half-ass. It's more like whole ass. It's just a few words. Simple, clear, helpful words.

It could be a total coincidence, but today I didn't feel like having any coffee. I made a pot of tea. I have no taste for coffee at all. I don't know if it'll ever come back.

The Joy of Saeco (Thanks Dad!)

This post is for Griffin, who isn't sure if he'd want his coffee/espresso to be *that* automated. If you had one of these, that thought wouldn't enter your pretty little head ever again.

Here's the smart little guy sitting comfortably on my kitchen counter:


It sits on a swivel base so you can easily access the water reservoir from the top on the back left side and/or the bean hopper on the top right side. The reservoir holds about a liter of water & the bean hopper holds about a half pound of coffee beans - enough to last me a week or more drinking a couple of cups a day.

The water dispenser/milk frother is the nozzle on the right, and the espresso/coffee dispenser is on the left. Underneath those is the removable drip tray that slides out for easy dumping/cleaning. To the left of the espresso dispenser you can open up the front door of the unit to access and clean the "brew group" - the unit that receives the ground coffee from the hopper, tamps it, pre-moistens it, brews the coffee & then expels the "puck" (used coffee grounds) into the little compartment you can access on the left side of the machine for easy removal.

I only have to dump the pucks once a week and I've cleaned out the brew group a few times with a soft brush - that's it. The drip tray needs to be dumped & cleaned once a week and the water reservoir needs to be filled every other day or so depending on the demands of the habit.

In the bean hopper you adjust the coarseness of the grind as well as the dosing - how much coffee is used for each brew. Once you have that set to your liking, all you have to do is turn it on (the button on the left), wait about 45 seconds for it to warm up, turn the dial to the amount of coffee (single espresso size to a full mug of 'americana') then press the button in the middle and get ready.


The button on the right is for dispensing hot water, though that's the one thing I don't recommend using as it means refilling the reservoir a lot more often and the water isn't boiling hot - it seems to cool off fairly rapidly. For things requiring hot water the tea kettle seems the most straightforward route.


If you want to steam milk for a cap or latte, after the machine warms up, you turn the little nob on the right side of the machine above the steamer nozzle and wait about 30 seconds for the hot water to turn to steam, then shove that sucker into your pitcher of milk and in a minute or two, you've got hot foamy froth ready to go.


And the crema... look at the crema!


I never minded making a pot of coffee in the mornings before work, but now with this wonderful robot, I have a delicious cup of coffee in a minute, vs. 15 or 20, and each cup is a fresh cup. I'll never go back to a regular coffee machine again.

Ponder that over your next cup of drip...