Go Cipro!

As in:

Not:

A few weeks ago, I had some weird stomach stuff going on - not sick, not food poisoning - strange, pressure-like cramping. First it was happening right after I ate, then it started happening just before I ate. It felt like my stomach was imploding. I could eat, but it felt like I had to quickly get food down before my stomach ate itself.

Then other nights it was bad in a way that made it impossible to eat. Coffee made it worse, as did margaritas and spicy salsa. WFT? It felt like someone was squeezing the hell out of my stomach or backing over it with a truck.

I went to my doc to tell her what was happening. I've read that most ulcers are caused by a particular bacteria. The same bacteria can cause gastritis, too. There's a breath test they can do to check for this bacteria and if it's there, they can treat it and get rid of it.

After I described my symptoms, she told me it was probably just gastritis and to keep an eye on it and let her know how I'm doing. Um, I'm in pain, you lab-coat-wearing poser. Any other ideas?

Just keep taking Tylenol, popping Tums and drinking Pepto? Is that a good idea in the long run? Any reason why we wouldn't want to find out say, NOW, what might be going on? Let's just try something - anything - while I'm here. What's the worst that could happen by being proactive?

WTF is up with the persistent wait-and-see-do-nothing attitude? So you can squeeze another measly $15 copay out of me and bill my insurance as often as you can?

Clearly you're not a doctor. You should fulfill your true potential working at the DMV and leave medicine to someone who's actually interested in helping people stay healthy.

Sure, send me home for more gut pain that interferes with my ability to concentrate at work, sleep soundly or eat anything besides oatmeal and mashed potatoes. That's a swell idea. Who wouldn't want more of that!?

I went home and for another two days, enjoyed satisfying bowls of oatmeal, mashed potatoes and some bland basmati rice. But the pain was really getting old and I was sick of it.

Then I thought, Shit, if there is some bacteria down there, what would happen if I popped a Cipro? We had a full bottle left from the Rx we filled before our trip to Mexico last year.

If it was some sort of food poisoning, Cipro should work on that, too, right? I figured a wide-spectrum antibiotic couldn't hurt me too badly, so down the hatch it went.

I woke up the next morning without any appetite, but I didn't have any stomach pain, either. I enjoyed a mid-morning protein Jamba Juice, and later, an iced coffee and my stomach felt fine. By Friday morning, I felt as good as new. My stomach has felt fine ever since.

If she had done the stupid test to find out if there was some bacteria down there gone wrong, it could have been treated that day, instead of days later. Technically, doesn't that seem like she broke her Hippocratic Oath? She sent me away and let me endure more pain -- that's a way of "doing harm," right?

Stupid cow.