No More Inside Voice

What is with kids these days? Also, GET OFF MY LAWN!

Seriously - the screaming. Enough. You want to play outside and scream bloody murder? OK - here's your bloody murder - happy to oblige.

We are *surrounded* by screaming kids on all sides. Across the street, both next door neighbors and the neighbors behind us. All. Have. Screaming. Fugging. Kids.

It's not a fun, gleeful scream of joy - it's balls out screaming like their heads are on fire and their tiny hands are exploding in front of their eyes. I'm currently shopping for a high-powered tranquilizer rifle if you know where I can find one.

I remember when I was little and played outside. There was no screaming unless my brother Peter was stabbing me in the eye with a red hot poker, which only happened a few times.

When my brothers and I played together, the only screaming was from our mother if we were getting too close to the flowers or about to break a window.

Even when rocketing down the incredibly safe Slip 'n Slide®, hurtling straight into a hedge of sharp juniper bushes, there was no screaming. Crying maybe, but no screaming.

When my brother fell backward & broke his wrist, there was no screaming. When he slammed his knee into a sprinkler head and split it wide open, there was no screaming. When he fell head-first out of the pine tree and onto the driveway, there was no screaming.

So, it would seem, kids today are total pussies that have no imagination and so little intelligence, all they can do to express themselves is scream. What a joy they must be to live with.

Reindeer Games

(here's Mr. Reindeer under the tree with his friend, Christmas Talosian)

Christmas is over for us but will go on forever for the cats.

While decorating the house this year I found a little stuffed reindeer toy in one of the boxes - a gift from someone at some point, it doesn't do much but it's cute, so I propped him under the tree.

A few nights after getting all the decorations up, I found the toy in the bathroom. Seems "someone" (Neo) found him and claimed him, then dragged him off to 'kill' him on the fuzzy bathroom rug.


(slain on the bathroom rug)


(on another night, slain on the bathmat)

I returned the reindeer to the tree and the next day found him in the kitchen. No matter how many times I put the toy back under the tree, the next day it would be gone, dragged off to some other part of the house.


(left just outside our bedroom - a gift)

Now the reindeer is sufficiently coated in Neo spit and dust and will remain a cat toy for the rest of its life. Probably more fun than living in a box in the basement.


The Christmas Talosian knows all.

Sope Baux - Bad Parents

Here goes:

I just read The Mommy Files blog on SF Gate about a mother who's upset about her kids being scared by the dogs in Pixar's new movie, Up!

Are you effing kidding me?

Her kids are six and four years old and were apparently terrified by the dogs chasing after the bird. Her four-year-old son actually scolded her for taking him to "an inappropriate movie." That's so ridiculous I don't even know where to start with that one.

It's not the children I have a problem with, it's the coddling, sniveling, spineless, self-involved parents raising children who not only can't handle a movie MADE FOR KIDS, but they're growing up thinking it's in any way OK to scold a parent. Totally totally TOTALLY unacceptable.

It's true I do not have kids. I would have eaten them right out of the womb. I spent many years as a babysitter and nanny to cousins, nieces and nephews.

The way I cared for the kids was exactly as their parents did - lots of love and fun activities, but as far as rules/behavior goes, no negotiation and no tolerance for bullshit of any kind.

Those weren't my rules, those were the rules of their parents, parents who wanted responsible, polite, respectful kids to grow into productive adults, not whining, insolent, ungrateful remoras.

The truth of the post is revealed when the author says:

"I was so desperate for a mellow outing that I didn't even check the reviews ahead of time to see if the movie was deemed appropriate for little ones. I longed to sit for an hour and a half, munching on popcorn and sipping diet coke."

Longed for a mellow outing. Hey, I know, HIRE A BABYSITTER and go to the library. Or, find an activity appropriate for the age of your kids, dumbass. A movie isn't the answer, regardless of its rating.

At the end of the post she reveals:

"My kids were both knocked over by a dog a few weeks ago and my son was bitten on the back. My daughter, who has always been fearful of dogs, was especially traumatized by the incident and has had a few canine nightmares."

I peed myself laughing at this. Not at what happened to the kids, but that she took her kids who were just attacked by a dog to a movie that has hundreds of attack dogs in it. And she wants to blame the movie?

The sad thing is, there are capable parents all over the country trying desperately to adopt children who need homes, having to clear myriad hurdles and approvals that take forever, but all this idiot had to do was get knocked up - no special test, no certification. Unbelievable.

And why would anyone take a four-year-old to a movie? A toddler cannot sit still long enough to pee properly on a toilet, let alone sit through a 1.5 hour movie. Evidently, she was too excited about popcorn and diet coke to think this through.

We made the mistake of going to an early show filled with toddlers. Toddlers who could not sit still and could not stop whining at their parents for one thing or another. Their parents have likely never used a play pen, said "No" and meant it, or enforced real consequences for bad behavior.

It was bad enough working with "kids" right out of college a few years ago who expect all the rewards & fat paycheck just for showing up to work, because they always got a trophy just for showing up to the soccer game - forget about earning it by winning. I can't imagine how much worse that sense of entitlement will be with the next generation.

I know parenting is the hardest job on the planet - that's why I opted for cats. But for christ's sake, if you're going to have them, do the job properly. If not, keep your legs closed or cut the vas deferens already.

BTW, we loved the movie and were not at all prepared for how deeply we'd be touched by the scenes of Carl and Ellie building a beautiful life together, her passing and his mourning. We both cried like whiny toddlers. The one problem I had with it was feeding chocolate to a bird. We had to wonder how many idiots are going to try that, because you know they're out there and they're going to do it.