Reindeer Games

(here's Mr. Reindeer under the tree with his friend, Christmas Talosian)

Christmas is over for us but will go on forever for the cats.

While decorating the house this year I found a little stuffed reindeer toy in one of the boxes - a gift from someone at some point, it doesn't do much but it's cute, so I propped him under the tree.

A few nights after getting all the decorations up, I found the toy in the bathroom. Seems "someone" (Neo) found him and claimed him, then dragged him off to 'kill' him on the fuzzy bathroom rug.


(slain on the bathroom rug)


(on another night, slain on the bathmat)

I returned the reindeer to the tree and the next day found him in the kitchen. No matter how many times I put the toy back under the tree, the next day it would be gone, dragged off to some other part of the house.


(left just outside our bedroom - a gift)

Now the reindeer is sufficiently coated in Neo spit and dust and will remain a cat toy for the rest of its life. Probably more fun than living in a box in the basement.


The Christmas Talosian knows all.

Thanks, Christmas!

It's been a lovely holiday - lots of time relaxing with the furry/feathered kids and enjoying being home again in Alameda.

We'd like to thank our sponsors - we couldn't have done it without you.

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See you all next Christmas!

Guilt Cookies

This year, perhaps because I was so happy to be back home for Christmas, I decided I'd be a Santa's Elf and deliver sugary treats to our neighbors - chocolate chip cookies for the kids & biscotti for the grownups.

I've never done this before. Most of our neighbors "keep to themselves," as I might tell a reporter one day after someone down the street tries to take out the whole block with a truck full of fertilizer. For the most part, we're a well-mannered quiet street of Wavers.

With full plates & bags of freshly-baked cookies I skipped across the street to where Crazy Bob used to live to deliver the goods to a quiet young couple with two kids. They moved in just as we were moving out and even after we moved back, we've never exchanged a single word. I'm starting to think we scare people.

The wife/mom answered the door and looked perplexed, wondering who the weirdo was handing out cookies dressed in warm ups, a flour-dusted t-shirt and Santa hat. I told her I was her across-the-street neighbor and she look chagrined. She thanked me profusely and I felt smug as I cheerfully said "Merry Christmas!" and skipped off to my next stop.

I went next door to the Curmudgeon's house and knocked on their door. They've lived there forever and knew my Nana before she moved on to a sweet condo in the sky. His wife answered wearing an awesome Christmas sweater and she looked shocked to see me. I handed her a gift bag of biscotti and chirped "Merry Christmas!" and she fumbled out an awkward "thank you." I skipped along to the next house.

Really, I was happy to spread some Christmas cheer. They're not bad neighbors, just a little aloof and/or sometimes kinda rude. We have other neighbors we talk to fairly often & it was great to see them & get caught up. It was a lovely part of my Christmas Eve.

As I was making breakfast the next morning, the doorbell rang, which was odd - I'm pretty sure our house is on a Run For Your Life list used by solicitors, Jehoshaphat's Witnesses & Mormons. David answered the door to see Curmudgeon's wife holding a plate of cookies. He said she couldn't get off the porch fast enough & back across the street.

David brought the cookies into the kitchen and while it was a really nice gesture, it looked like they'd been plucked out of the trash & hastily assembled on a festive plate. Even the plastic wrap was crumpled and resting on top of the cookies, no cling left in it to stick around the plate.

If they weren't Bin Cookies, they were very likely Regift Cookies, but they were definitely Guilt Cookies. I'll eat just about any cookie on the planet, but these were awful. They weren't just stale, the flavor made my mouth cry. We tried to find one that was edible but no luck. They're Bin Cookies now, but it was a sweet thought.

Next year I'm going to bring her a nice big bowl of soup & see what comes back.

Christmastime Again

Favorite Christmastime quote, said by a little kid at Rockefeller Center while being interviewed by Mary Gross on Saturday Night Live sometime in the mid-80s: "You know who I hate? Perry Como."

No one else saw that sketch which makes it all the more special - the memory is mine and mine alone.

This is always a weird time of year. I want to love it, but mostly I'm just overwhelmed and it's upon us and over in a flash. Every year I do less and less, which I really enjoy, but there's a lazy aspect to it I don't like.

I totally forgot about cards this year. Forgot them on purpose last year, 'cause we were in Canadia and it just seemed stupid to spend a dollar a stamp for Christmas cards that end up in the recycling bin. OK, actually, it just seemed like too much work. The lack of sunlight made lots of things feel like too much work. Blame Canada. I do.

But this year I actually forgot until a friend mentioned sending out cards. Cards? Like poker cards? Oh, wait, carrrrds. Right. Not gonna happen.

Last year we didn't even decorate until a few days before Christmas. It was just the two of us, far away from all our friends & family. Why bother? I hadn't even packed our Christmas stuff in the move. David asked if we could festive up the place, so I found a nice fake tree at Canadian Tire, some cheap plastic ornaments and threw it all together - BLAM - it's Christmas.

Sure didn't feel like it though. It was a weird time. Nice to be together, away from the rest of the world after all the time apart in '07 (when he was working in the UK - I hadn't kicked him out or anything), but it was lonely.

On Christmas Day, bored after so many days cooped up in the house, we went to see Gran Torino. Great holiday movie if you like tense, depressing stories. Drove home quietly in the snow and the dark. Heavy.

This year I did manage to decorate - put up TWO fake trees, fully decorated, and even found more stuff at Target. It looks a little like Christmas. Barely. I need to hire Jeff & Randy.






(a few shots of their incredible displays)

As we have in years past, we'll continue our No Stuff Christmas - no shopping for gifts of any kind - none, zip, zero. No more stuff. Food is OK (except fruitcake - that's not food) as are joke gifts that can be useful, such as ExLax, Rolaids, Correctol or Gas-X.

David started the gastrointestinal-themed gift pack a few years ago and it's a valuable tradition. When something goes wrong in that department and you can't run to the drugstore? No problem! My "Get Right Pack" saves the day!

A few weeks ago I tweeted that we should have the entire month of December off to enjoy the season and I mean it. There isn't enough time to prepare or visit with friends & family. The whole month should be full of festive parties, outings, drinks, cookies, pies and twinkly lights.

Sadly, I have to get back to work now. Merry Festivus.

Happy Christmas

It still doesn't *feel* like Christmas, but it helped to call the whole family and talk to parents, brothers, sisters-in-law, nieces and nephews.

At one point the MagicJack crapped out - the phone just stopped working, demanding a break from the nonstop jawing.

But before that happened, I got a fantastic present from one of my nieces - one of many gifted children in the clan who told me English & Creative Writing is her favorite class - she's a junior in high school. That wasn't the present. Wait for it...

She's babysitting some kids in the neighborhood now and said one night they wanted her to tell them a story. She couldn't remember any stories so she started making them up. She told them a number of elaborate, lengthy stories that they loved, yet still they wanted more.

Tired of coming up with new stories, she instead told them the story of Beverly Hills Cop. I couldn't stop laughing.

Merry Christmas Bloggers!

Elfintastic Holiday!

Thank you Ms.Crafty!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

What Makes the Season Special

Is fighting with a giant fake tree - without that, Christmas just isn't Christmas.

Below follows a guest post courtesy of an email from my father. For context, my mother found a ginormous fake tree in a catalog and then found some sort of storage thingamagic for the giant fake tree in another catalog.

Also, she is the only person qualified to handle the ornaments, though she will occasionally deputize others only after many years of experience and proven success moving ornaments from the tree limb into its proper box.

Subject: Storing the Christmas Tree

You won't believe the issue of taking down the Christmas tree (OK, you probably will believe it).

As I reported earlier, I started to take down the ornaments on the tree, but of course, I was doing it all wrong, and was chastised for my precipitous actions, so I deferred.

After the tree was properly denuded, it was a simple task to break it down into its three sections for storage. But wait, there is a magic storage system that was obtained from the latest catalog that allows you to store your tree with out taking it down.

First, you get some wrenches and put together a rolling cart. After that is done, you unwrap a canvas storage unit that is a cross between a body bag and a straight jacket.

You unzip and unstrap all the straps, and then you try to pull it up over the 14 ft. tree. However, the bag is only about 8 ft. long, so you eventually have to remove the top one third of the tree and set it aside.

Then you pull, tug, stretch, and grovel with the body bag, sweating and straining, until you finally get it up over the tree. It has now been about two hours since this simple procedure was initiated. Now you are ready to move it to the garage.

Remember, even without the top portion, it still weighs about 150 lb. Well, of course when you roll it out the front door, it tumbles down the steps and you are unable to lift it, so you sort-of drag it like a dead body away from the front of the house, and somehow get it back upright so you can roll it into the garage, where it now stands as a huge phallic symbol to Christmas Past.

Following this ridiculous exercise, I decided that a double Manhattan was called for, and the admission that perhaps this latest catalog adventure was ill-advised. However, I doubt if the deluge of wonderful items will end soon. I am contemplating an airline flight to the Bay Area unless there is a change of attitude.

All Hail Festivus

This might be the best Christmas since I was 7 years old. Not because I'm drinking enough spiked nog to once again believe in Santa, but maybe because this year we decided -- with full family support and agreement -- to not buy any gifts. Food items are allowed, but no "stuff."

Without the stress of shopping for umpteen people and worrying about the ginormous cost of that, it's felt more like Christmas this year than in the past 20 (or 30, if we're being truthful about age).

And this relaxed, festive feeling comes without taking time off work. You can't miss the energy of the season when you're downtown around the decorations, shoppers & tourists. Ice skating at lunch helps, too, as does driving around town to see the decorated homes.

Even though it comes up faster every year, we've been able to slow down and truly enjoy it before it's gone in the blink of an eye. Time for some more nog.

Festivus

Thanks to Jeff & Randy's lovely home decorations for tons of fun holiday shots. Happy egg noggin.