New Word - Columbarium

Sounds like a type of enema, and perhaps in a sense, it's the ultimate enema. I don't even know what that means - I'm already rambling.

Went to Satellite's memorial service today at the Columbarium of San Francisco - a place I'd never heard of before today.

I kept thinking about Mary Richards at the funeral for the clown, how she couldn't stop laughing. I fully expected to be sitting there laughing my ass off.

The place was so cold, truly like a morgue, but thankfully they had hot coffee there. I was fortunate to sit next to Mir, who had the foresight to pack kleenex and joined me in making funny comments only we could hear.

If you have to go to a memorial service/funeral, you'll want her with you. She, like me, is comfortable making inappropriate remarks in such situations.

I wore a leather jacket he used to think was cool, made from thick, pebbled leather - but it makes that leathery creaky noise, so during the service I had to remain very still. I drank my coffee by bending my head down into my cup rather than lift my hand & creak while someone was speaking. It must have looked like I didn't have full use of my upper limbs.

It was a good service and felt good to share stories and remember how hilarious he was. He would be pleased that most of those stories were of a very inappropriate nature.

Yer Gonna Be Sticky

This morning I mixed up a new jar of almond butter and decided I'd throw in the very last of some honey that was crystallized - it had been sitting on the counter for weeks, un-squeezable in its solid form.

I was trying to scrape the honey out of the plastic bottle without letting it drip anywhere, 'cause if there's one thing that makes me crazy, it's sticky-ness.

As I maneuvered the little scraper in the bottle, it was inevitable - there's no way to work with honey without it dripping and within moments, your hands and fingers are sticky and there you are, sticking to everything.

It reminded me of an awkward conversation I had one day with one of Blue Shield's VPs. He's a really nice guy, but we didn't talk with him often and when we did, it was typical corporate chit chat and it was always just for a minute at the most.

One day he stopped by our area as a few of us were getting ready to head down to the Ferry Building's Farmer's Market. I was waiting for a friend to grab her wallet and the VP was hanging around in the main aisle.

He asked where we were headed and I told him, but I was nervous, 'cause I don't know the guy and we'd never tried a non corporate chit chat before. Then he asked what we were shopping for and I told him I needed to pick up more honey - this really good honey from a guy based in Santa Cruz.

At this point, I'm feeling like honey is the only topic we're going to cover, and my nerves get the better of me, so I start rambling on about how great the honey is and how you can taste every variety they have, and it's so good for you, blah, blah, blah, please why won't someone shove a toner cartridge in my mouth...

I guess because I'd been raving about it so much, he asked if I'd pick up some for him, and I cheerfully said Sure! Then I realized my friend wasn't yet ready to go and we would have a few more minutes of this strange interaction before getting anywhere near the safety of a crowded elevator.

The awkward conversation continued with me going on about how he wouldn't be able to wait until he got home to break into his jar, riding home on the train eating honey out of a jar with his hands. He was laughing along with my weird vision of his evening commute and then I said, "You're gonna be sticky!"

I can't tell you why I said it or what it even means. It just felt like the natural thing to say after imagining someone eating a jar of honey on a train. It made sense to me at the time. I'm sure at that moment he wondered how I'd passed the new hire drug screening.

Thankfully, just after I'd told a VP he would be sticky on his ride home, my friend was ready to go and the painful encounter was over. I did my best to avoid him after that and I'm sure he did the same.

I Love the New Weather Guy

The weekend weather dude on KTVU - Byron Miranda - he is fantastic. I don't know what he knows about meteorology and I don't care.

During an evening news broadcast a few weeks ago as the school year was starting up, the news anchor passed the baton to Byron, asking him to give the back-to-school forecast for the upcoming week.

The camera cut to Byron and he said, and I'm paraphrasing only a little: "That's right kids, stay in school or you'll end up a weather man like me... not that that's a bad thing... I've had a lot of jobs... I was an Oakland cop for a while... they called me Barney Fife... I didn't like that too much... So, let's see what tomorrow's weather will look like..."

It was the best, weird weather intro train wreck I've ever had the pleasure to see on live television. This guy's always seemed a bit weird, but this was above and beyond. I was howling, wondering if he was going to be fired before the end of the broadcast, but no - he's still hangin' on.

Prior to this, his most annoying habit (to me) was repeatedly saying, "So when you head out to Starbucks in the morning for your latte, you're going to want a [sweater] [jacket] [scarf] [etc.]." I thought he must have Starbucks stock.

He's not doing that very much anymore, but it's always exciting to see what his next lead-in might be. "That's right Ken, drug use is a big problem in our country - I've been on meth, H, and the cracked cocaine... So let's see what tomorrow's forecast looks like as you head out to find a hit..."

"Thanks Ken... that toy recall is scary business... That reminds me of a toy I had as a boy - a big, beautiful yellow Tonka dump truck I played with every day, filling it up with my mom's Lee Press-On Nails and dumping them in the backyard... Let's see what tomorrow's forecast looks like as you head out to your local nail salon for that sweet manicure..."

There's some fun chatter on the interweb about Byron and other stations where he's delivered these strange forecasts - sounds like it's always been his unique style of delivery.

This was his last, very serious SEVERE WEATHER TEAM:

WE ARE SEVERE AND THE WEATHER IS SEVERE AND YOU WILL DEAL WITH THIS REAL, SEVERE SEVERITY AND THE DUDE ON THE RIGHT IS OVER 8' TALL AND WILL CRUSH YOU LIKE A BUG.

Then they photoshopped him out, which just seems cold (and lazy) and the dude on the right came down to just over 7' tall:

And then they became Men's Wearhouse spokesmen with the guy in the middle still a big bigger than his colleagues, clearly bigger than the guy on the left - no doubt as to who runs that weather team:

Anywho - good luck to you Byron. I can't believe they let you go on camera unsupervised, but it sure has added some fun unpredictability to the weekend forecast.