Chicks & Crime Shows

Why do women like crime shows? I'm one of them - I dig the shows about forensic evidence catching some crazed killer - love that shit - but why?

You can tell there are many of us - all the commercials are for things like diapers, swiffer cleaning gizmos, and maxi pads with wings.

The latest one I just found and love - Haunting Evidence - it's such fun. A medium, psychic profiler and a "paranormal expert" team up to contact the spirits of the murdered to try to find clues that will help solve the cases.

The "paranormal expert" is a hoot. Not sure what the qualifications are, but I might be able to get a job in this field. On the show I saw yesterday, he was pointing out a fuzzy spot on a photo as "clearly a paranormal event."

I've heard stories about other psychics helping to solve crimes - I think it's a great thing. But this Haunting Evidence show needs to start airing update shows if any of their "work" has actually helped solve a case.

So here's what I've learned from all the crime shows I've seen lately, in no particular order:
- If you're a tourist, don't look or act like one - blend in as if you were invisible
- If you're a tourist, don't get lost or drive down streets with only one way in/out
- Don't go out for a hike by yourself - ever - especially in an area that isn't your own backyard, and even then, watch out
- Don't be a female or avoid acting like a female
- Don't be someone's particular type of female or avoid acting like a someone's particular type of female
- Grow eyes in the back and sides of your head
- Know that you are always in danger, always, no matter where you are
- Be stronger than all men in the world - maybe take steroids in addition to working out
- Never, ever, ever get into a car with anyone except your own mother, and even then, be sure she doesn't have the family gun with her and that she's not angry with you
- If you want to kill your wife and throw the cops off your trail, try to write your notes in a different style than your own (this particular show was fascinating - this guy used all negative contractions and no positive contractions in his writing)
- If you leave your bloody palm print on a sheet, they CAN lift that print by removing the repeating pattern of the fabric from the image
- Never, ever, ever pick up some random dude at a highway rest stop for casual sex - gay or straight - it's likely to end badly
- Don't ever stop anywhere for any length of time, ever - always be on the move
- Don't ever get into a dude's car you kind-of know from work, because he's clearly been stalking you under the guise of buying coffee from you, and as soon as he gets you alone he will bash your head into the rocks and throw you into the ocean - see above note about not being female and taking steroids

With all this rich information, I'd like to feel like I'm better prepared to live in the world, but overall, it's really rather depressing. It's great when these guys are caught, but then you think, well there must be hundreds more out there, right?

So, I'll just do what I've always done. Never stop moving and keep taking my roids.