Guilt Cookies

This year, perhaps because I was so happy to be back home for Christmas, I decided I'd be a Santa's Elf and deliver sugary treats to our neighbors - chocolate chip cookies for the kids & biscotti for the grownups.

I've never done this before. Most of our neighbors "keep to themselves," as I might tell a reporter one day after someone down the street tries to take out the whole block with a truck full of fertilizer. For the most part, we're a well-mannered quiet street of Wavers.

With full plates & bags of freshly-baked cookies I skipped across the street to where Crazy Bob used to live to deliver the goods to a quiet young couple with two kids. They moved in just as we were moving out and even after we moved back, we've never exchanged a single word. I'm starting to think we scare people.

The wife/mom answered the door and looked perplexed, wondering who the weirdo was handing out cookies dressed in warm ups, a flour-dusted t-shirt and Santa hat. I told her I was her across-the-street neighbor and she look chagrined. She thanked me profusely and I felt smug as I cheerfully said "Merry Christmas!" and skipped off to my next stop.

I went next door to the Curmudgeon's house and knocked on their door. They've lived there forever and knew my Nana before she moved on to a sweet condo in the sky. His wife answered wearing an awesome Christmas sweater and she looked shocked to see me. I handed her a gift bag of biscotti and chirped "Merry Christmas!" and she fumbled out an awkward "thank you." I skipped along to the next house.

Really, I was happy to spread some Christmas cheer. They're not bad neighbors, just a little aloof and/or sometimes kinda rude. We have other neighbors we talk to fairly often & it was great to see them & get caught up. It was a lovely part of my Christmas Eve.

As I was making breakfast the next morning, the doorbell rang, which was odd - I'm pretty sure our house is on a Run For Your Life list used by solicitors, Jehoshaphat's Witnesses & Mormons. David answered the door to see Curmudgeon's wife holding a plate of cookies. He said she couldn't get off the porch fast enough & back across the street.

David brought the cookies into the kitchen and while it was a really nice gesture, it looked like they'd been plucked out of the trash & hastily assembled on a festive plate. Even the plastic wrap was crumpled and resting on top of the cookies, no cling left in it to stick around the plate.

If they weren't Bin Cookies, they were very likely Regift Cookies, but they were definitely Guilt Cookies. I'll eat just about any cookie on the planet, but these were awful. They weren't just stale, the flavor made my mouth cry. We tried to find one that was edible but no luck. They're Bin Cookies now, but it was a sweet thought.

Next year I'm going to bring her a nice big bowl of soup & see what comes back.

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OK so it's been more of a summer hiatus than a word from our sponsor. I've been bizzy. I've been home for about a month and just found the stove a few days ago.

Still unpacking while painting/updating a few more rooms in the house. It's like moving all over again, every other day. Moved everything into the house, moved shit from room to room, moved it to other rooms, then back into the first room... We'll do this a few more times before we're all done.

We'd left a lot of stuff behind when we moved - partly because we could, partly because family stayed here now & then and needed stuff. That's all dandy, except there was no time to remove the leftovers before we got back.

Also waiting for us when we returned were a couple of assey neighbors. We lost one while we were gone (Crazy Bob finally moved) - we have two more to outlast.

One is the shitty troll on the corner who wants us to cut down the oak tree so leaves won't fall in her driveway, while they hang piñatas in it for the grand kids... The other is the shitty curmudgeon (Plumber Bob) who actively ignores us even when directly across the street with full eye contact.

He's such a treat. He never speaks to us and won't respond to a friendly wave. However, he has no trouble using our recycling bins for his trash.

Last night my next door neighbor came over to ask if she could use the remaining space in our recycling bin, then realized it was full of styrofoam sheeting and plastic tarps. I told her that was odd - we had none of that in the move packing... Turns out her bin was full of it too. It was some sort of spa/hot tub packaging. I told her I'd wished we'd had a new spa...

Whoever dumped it had just done it as we'd both been in & out of the house all afternoon & evening. Not sure what to do about it, I said we could split it up among the trash cans along the street. I went to ask the other neighbors about using their cans.

Shitty Curmudgeon wouldn't answer the door, but I saw him walk by the upstairs window. The other neighbors readily agreed to help dispose of the trash. While talking to another neighbor, he said "Well Bob (Shitty Curmudgeon) just had a spa delivered on Sunday." Hmm... Really.

So, SC gets a new spa and as soon as it gets dark he sneaks across the street to dump his trash in our bins. What a prick! Seems someone's going to have to christen that new spa with a special treat. I'm pretty sure their gate isn't locked...