Holiday Newsletter - in January!

And you thought the holidays were over. Not true! Our fake tree is still up - two trees, in fact - the tree we got in Canada last year and the old tree we'd left in the basement.

This year I even bought more decorations the day after Christmas - 50% off! - first time I've ever done that. I seriously considered putting up lighted wreaths, pathway trees and garlands all around the house that weekend. Maybe this weekend.

So, a Holiday Newsletter...

In a nutshell, 2009 was mostly a giant steaming pile of turds. But it did have a few high points. Leaving Canada was one of them, as was getting Henry home safely, which almost didn't happen - the biggest turd of the pile.

Early in the year we knew David's job in the Great White (grey) North wouldn't last - layoffs were happening every month or so. For a few weeks he came home every night not knowing how much longer he'd have a job. Turds.

I took on the new job of full-time housewife and I did not win any housewifing awards. I did cook a lot more and cleaned a few things and every week successfully forced myself to go to the grocery store. Turns out I'm not so good at housewifing.

I watched a LOT of Felicity and The Dog Whisperer. Maybe too much. But I learned a LOT about dog psychology and why Ben was ultimately the better choice over Noel. Noel and Felicity are just too similar - not enough chemistry. Ben challenges Felicity in a way Noel never could. Wait, what were we talking about?

Right - 2009 turds. So, about Canada... If you're a regular reader of The Nootsmaak, you're already familiar with the steaming turds of Canada. Suffice it to say, it wasn't the right place for us. Or anyone with a shred of ambition or energy. Or anyone who enjoys sunlight. Or anyone who dislikes mold and mildew. Or anyone who knows how to drive.

With David's job slowly slipping away, it was an easy decision to pack the french up and move the toast home. I found out a couple of weeks ago that the company he was working for shut down in early December. Good thing we didn't stick around to see what might happen. What a sad, sad Christmas that would have been. Turds.

As turdish as the whole adventure could be at times, David and I enjoyed many quiet nights together watching Don Cherry on Hockey Night in Canada (government mandated) and not eating poutine. Ever.

We explored parts of Vancouver tourists never see, with good reason. We saw black bears around the neighborhood - David saw many more than I while riding his bike throughout the area. And I saw many, many Canadian teens wearing really fugly hoodies.

I got to take a few road trips to Seattle to see friends - that was fun. I ate too many Top Pot doughnuts, bacon-filled waffles and Dick's burgers & fries. My arteries are glad we're no longer anywhere near Seattle.

After endless weeks of endless grey days, I learned that no amount of doughnuts, cookies, mashed potatoes, fried potatoes, pancakes, waffles, fried waffles or bacon-filled fried waffles can abate the deep, bottomless sadness that overcomes me when I do not see the sun.

No one told us there wouldn't be sun. Not for that long. Even if I'd known, I'm not sure I could have even prepared for it other than unpack the truck and say Fuck NO to moving to Canada. Now the lack of energy and motivation (and obsession with hockey and beer) makes a little more sense.

The best part of 2009 was arriving back home to this amazing house, with all the kids in tow, back to our friends & family. Without experiencing the turd of Canada, we wouldn't have the deep appreciation of everything we have here. So, that's not entirely turdish. That might even be a gift.

Since we returned, I've gotten back to work fairly quickly and David found a new job at a good company after only a few interviews around town. Things aren't perfect, but we're very aware of how fortunate we are.

The cats are happy, the bird is happy, our family is happy and that's all we can ever ask for. I'm hoping for a lot of sun in 2010 and all good things for everyone. I'm even going to the dentist after a 10-year hiatus. Things are looking up.

Happy Holidays & Happy O-Ten!

Thanks, Christmas!

It's been a lovely holiday - lots of time relaxing with the furry/feathered kids and enjoying being home again in Alameda.

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See you all next Christmas!

Christmastime Again

Favorite Christmastime quote, said by a little kid at Rockefeller Center while being interviewed by Mary Gross on Saturday Night Live sometime in the mid-80s: "You know who I hate? Perry Como."

No one else saw that sketch which makes it all the more special - the memory is mine and mine alone.

This is always a weird time of year. I want to love it, but mostly I'm just overwhelmed and it's upon us and over in a flash. Every year I do less and less, which I really enjoy, but there's a lazy aspect to it I don't like.

I totally forgot about cards this year. Forgot them on purpose last year, 'cause we were in Canadia and it just seemed stupid to spend a dollar a stamp for Christmas cards that end up in the recycling bin. OK, actually, it just seemed like too much work. The lack of sunlight made lots of things feel like too much work. Blame Canada. I do.

But this year I actually forgot until a friend mentioned sending out cards. Cards? Like poker cards? Oh, wait, carrrrds. Right. Not gonna happen.

Last year we didn't even decorate until a few days before Christmas. It was just the two of us, far away from all our friends & family. Why bother? I hadn't even packed our Christmas stuff in the move. David asked if we could festive up the place, so I found a nice fake tree at Canadian Tire, some cheap plastic ornaments and threw it all together - BLAM - it's Christmas.

Sure didn't feel like it though. It was a weird time. Nice to be together, away from the rest of the world after all the time apart in '07 (when he was working in the UK - I hadn't kicked him out or anything), but it was lonely.

On Christmas Day, bored after so many days cooped up in the house, we went to see Gran Torino. Great holiday movie if you like tense, depressing stories. Drove home quietly in the snow and the dark. Heavy.

This year I did manage to decorate - put up TWO fake trees, fully decorated, and even found more stuff at Target. It looks a little like Christmas. Barely. I need to hire Jeff & Randy.






(a few shots of their incredible displays)

As we have in years past, we'll continue our No Stuff Christmas - no shopping for gifts of any kind - none, zip, zero. No more stuff. Food is OK (except fruitcake - that's not food) as are joke gifts that can be useful, such as ExLax, Rolaids, Correctol or Gas-X.

David started the gastrointestinal-themed gift pack a few years ago and it's a valuable tradition. When something goes wrong in that department and you can't run to the drugstore? No problem! My "Get Right Pack" saves the day!

A few weeks ago I tweeted that we should have the entire month of December off to enjoy the season and I mean it. There isn't enough time to prepare or visit with friends & family. The whole month should be full of festive parties, outings, drinks, cookies, pies and twinkly lights.

Sadly, I have to get back to work now. Merry Festivus.

Post HoHo Holiday Roundup

duplex in winter, poco, bc, canada

Here we are on the other side - January 2nd. Christmas/Festivus came and went in a flash and New Year's blew by in a blink - BLAM - done.

It was by far our weirdest holiday yet, a thousand miles away from home in a different country (sort of) without any family nearby. First holiday EVER not spent with family in some way.

David's company took a long holiday break which we've enjoyed by sleeping in (see previous post about hibernation), staying up late, doing our favorite thing of nothing, watching fun TV, learning to snowboard, playing in the snow, shoveling snow and watching the daily cat show (not in the snow).

I thought about posting more often, but my brain also took a long holiday break. There wasn't much to say other than "It's snowing. Again." or "It's raining. Again." I think I was depressed at one point for about 20 minutes, then I had another cup of coffee and felt better.

It's not so much the snow but the absence of the sun that's starting to take a toll. The days blur together and you can't distinguish one from another. There's no energy source to draw from. Everything looks grey.

The TV provides familiar comfort, as it did last night with a Lethal Weapon marathon. Oh the mullet - Mel's awesome mullet and tight, high-wasted jeans. And the open shirts. Or no shirt. Or the sweaty/wet-no-shirt-fist-fight. Fannntastic.

When Lethal Weapon 3 started David got up and went to bed. I tried to remind him that THIS was the one with Rene Russo and she's hot but he couldn't take any more. The mullet was bigger and the writing even more unbelievable than Mel's hair, but it felt like a big warm slice of home.

Remember when those movies came out? They were SO GOOD, weren't they? Weren't they? You know you loved them - loved them ALL.

Before winter's done I'll be looking for all the bad/good TV there is. It's one of my bestest friends. Happy New Year, eh?

Sweet Chocolate Christmas

It's almost Christmas. How the frick did that happen? Are you sure? Now? It's happening now? This week? Serious? But it was just August! Where's August? Who took my summer?

I keep thinking I should make some cards. Bake some biscotti. Tomorrow. Next week. There's time. Got lotsa time. NOPE. Time's UP!

No cards, no cookies. I'll get to it. Maybe by April. Sure.

Somehow I managed to get a small tree and set that up, but had I not walked by it at the store when I was there for something else, I doubt that would have happened.

Even without the madness of shopping for gifts it all comes up too fast and I can't seem to make the time to get it done. It's like trying to mail something.

If I have to find a box, put the thing in the box, put some padding in the box, tape it up, put the address info on it, THEN leave the house and take it to the post office, OMIGOD it's just too much and how does anyone ever mail anything it's sooooooo haaaaaaaaard!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?

Why can't I pay attention to the calendar and be more on top of these things? I can take on all kinds of work, but can't keep up with what should be the fun stuff.

I'll probably never be on top of all the fun stuff, but that doesn't mean I'm not thinking of my friends and family and wishing them all sorts of holiday cheer.

I am, and I do. Merry Festivus!

p.s. Happy Birthday Ms. Crafty! Wish I could take you to Town Hall for a "Dohthee Pahkah."

What Makes the Season Special

Is fighting with a giant fake tree - without that, Christmas just isn't Christmas.

Below follows a guest post courtesy of an email from my father. For context, my mother found a ginormous fake tree in a catalog and then found some sort of storage thingamagic for the giant fake tree in another catalog.

Also, she is the only person qualified to handle the ornaments, though she will occasionally deputize others only after many years of experience and proven success moving ornaments from the tree limb into its proper box.

Subject: Storing the Christmas Tree

You won't believe the issue of taking down the Christmas tree (OK, you probably will believe it).

As I reported earlier, I started to take down the ornaments on the tree, but of course, I was doing it all wrong, and was chastised for my precipitous actions, so I deferred.

After the tree was properly denuded, it was a simple task to break it down into its three sections for storage. But wait, there is a magic storage system that was obtained from the latest catalog that allows you to store your tree with out taking it down.

First, you get some wrenches and put together a rolling cart. After that is done, you unwrap a canvas storage unit that is a cross between a body bag and a straight jacket.

You unzip and unstrap all the straps, and then you try to pull it up over the 14 ft. tree. However, the bag is only about 8 ft. long, so you eventually have to remove the top one third of the tree and set it aside.

Then you pull, tug, stretch, and grovel with the body bag, sweating and straining, until you finally get it up over the tree. It has now been about two hours since this simple procedure was initiated. Now you are ready to move it to the garage.

Remember, even without the top portion, it still weighs about 150 lb. Well, of course when you roll it out the front door, it tumbles down the steps and you are unable to lift it, so you sort-of drag it like a dead body away from the front of the house, and somehow get it back upright so you can roll it into the garage, where it now stands as a huge phallic symbol to Christmas Past.

Following this ridiculous exercise, I decided that a double Manhattan was called for, and the admission that perhaps this latest catalog adventure was ill-advised. However, I doubt if the deluge of wonderful items will end soon. I am contemplating an airline flight to the Bay Area unless there is a change of attitude.

Happy New Year!

To a good year, eh?

Thanks Ritz Carlton in Dana Point for donating this fine glass to my collection.
Cheers.

Festivus

Thanks to Jeff & Randy's lovely home decorations for tons of fun holiday shots. Happy egg noggin.