The Missing Link...

...Was standing next to me on the Bart platform tonight. Still a bit hunched over, not quite upright, he was jabbering on his newfangled cellular telephone to another unfrozen caveman telephone user about the unbelievable cost of veterinary care - something he must be intimately familiar with, being only partly human.

"I mean, why is it so expensive? It's only an animal! But heck, that's capitalism..."

And to the man next to me on the train itself, I'd like to thank you for killing whatever shred of hunger I had at 7:30 p.m. with your staggering BO. You make it easy to forgo dinner altogether. In fact, you made me forget all about dinner and instead all I wanted was a shower.

To the woman who was so loud on the phone today they could hear you in Canada, I'd like to ask that you practice speaking at a normal volume, also known as your "inside voice." Just because you're loud doesn't mean you're an effective communicator. It just means you're loud. And annoying. But mostly loud.

To the person who put super snarky comments in an early draft document, lighten up. No one's going to read your spam anyway, so there's no need to take it so seriously. Channel that energy into meeting new people. Enjoy an online chat, shop for shoes, go on a date. Live a little. No one needs to have a stroke before they turn 30.

Thank you to the nice woman at Peet's who always smiles when I order a small half & half and doesn't give me any attitude when I pay in change.

And to Ms. Crafty... when you go, I'll miss you dearly. You've been a fantastic partner in crime and it won't be the same without you. Who will I dish with about the incredulous madness? But I know it's not the end, just a transition. We'll always have IM.

FCK1NG H311