I Shop For Pads

This afternoon I took a trip over to Target to pick up the usual staples like toilet paper, contact lens solution, toothpaste, cat litter, and of course, tampons and pads.

It's not the most exciting errand, but I can easily zone out and go about throwing things into the cart. And by zone out, I mean when I'm there, it's like I'm in my own bubble. I'm aware of other people in the store, but they become a blurry background that goes with the ambient noise of the store.

The thing is, I haven't shopped for panty-liners in years. I just recently used up what I'd had in the closet. So, there I was in my bubble in the tampopo/pad aisle, studying the dizzying myriad of options.

There's the original, the thong-shaped, scented and unscented - then there's the "body shaped" mini, also in scented/unscented varieties, and then there are different package sizes of each.

And then there are different brands. It requires a certain level of concentration to figure out exactly what might be the best option. As I was standing there about to decide on a package, I became aware of someone else standing in the aisle, watching me.

I wanted to stay securely in my bubble, so I tried to tune out this maxi pad pervert. I was aware that it was a man standing there watching me, but tried to continue with my business & keep moving. I threw the package of pads in my cart and as I did so, it was clear this guy was moving closer to me - he wasn't shopping for anything - he was pursuing me.

As I turned to leave that aisle and continue around the corner I could feel him right behind me. My first thought was to turn and strike, but I kept thinking, Who the hell would watch someone shop for pads and then follow them through the store? It was so freakin strange.

Then I heard or felt something that made me realize someone might be having a go at my expense - I whipped around and right behind me, about four noses away, was JEFF!!!

I let out a yelp and Jeff started to laugh. I should have known. What's better than shopping for personal hygiene products and having a good friend surprise you while shopping for personal hygiene products? Nothing.