Clusterf#ck

My noggin is awash (possibly) in cluster headaches. It's hard to tell for sure.

As the name suggests, they come in clusters - you go through a period of having headaches and then there's a "remission" period. The headaches themselves are similar to migraines in that the pain is localized on one side of the head, but that might be the only thing they have in common.

The clusters tend to be seasonal, and the headaches tend to occur at the same time every day. Both situations have been true for me. The pain is always localized on one side of the head throughout a given cluster, and then sometimes it switches to the other side when the next cluster sets in.

They tend to come in the springtime and last til early summer, sometimes longer. There are often breaks between the clusters - a few days or a week or so. During a headache marathon, it's hard to remember the days you don't have one - it feels like one very long, excruciating day that will never end.

No amount of pain reliever, decongestant, or antihistamine can eliminate the pain. Lying down, sleeping, keeping still - it's very difficult to do. Nothing helps, and the pain is so deep down in your head, nothing can reach it.

It starts to seem like it could help to get my thumb inside my eye socket behind my eyeball, release some pressure in there, or to grab my hair and keep pulling, like I'm stretching my skull.

Even when I use valium or magical codeine fizzies, it helps take the edge off, but I can still feel it lurking, just below the surface, waiting for the drugs to wear off so it can grind me into the floor.