Living With a Boy

As anyone who's ever been to my house can attest, I'm no Nancy Neatnik, but I have *some* standards. And I'm sure not all boys are Slobby Messersons, but some of you boys need to take a class.

It's fine to shave your beardy growth and leave whiskers all over the bathroom sink and counter - just clean them up when you're done. We don't need to see just how much manly hair you had to remove to reveal your boyish complexion. We won't notice your boyish complexion if we're transfixed by the disgusting mess you left behind.

If you're done with the food stored in the container on the counter, go ahead and discard the crumbs and put the container in the sink. There's no need to leave the crumbs and empty wrapper inside the container on the counter. This is akin to putting an empty milk/juice carton back in the fridge. Not really sure what you're trying to tell us with this habit, but you can cut it out right now.

Now this next thing could be a remnant of tribal survival habits learned thousands of years ago, which could be cool historically, but probably not necessary today. We don't need to be able to track your whereabouts by crumbs left in your path, perhaps as a sort-of trail marker.

Poppy seed bagel eaten sometime in the morning, and later, a small pizza assembled in the toaster oven... ah, the ring of a soda can there... yes, the subject is on the move toward the southwest quadrant... Trust me - we know how to find you. It's OK to clean up the mess as you make it, wherever you make it.

If a discarded object is fit for recycling one day, why does it sometimes end up in the trash on other days? Has its molecular composition changed on those other days? This, too, is a mysterious, annoying habit, but why not err on the eco side and recycle it *always*?

And on that topic, if the bag of recycling is just a bit too full, there's no need to artfully balance an item on top of the pile, well above the top of the bag where it will fall right off when it's moved. It is possible to either compress the items in the bag to make room, or start a whole new bag after taking the full one out to the bin. This happens every day all over the world and seems to be a successful system of recycling management.

Back to the bathroom for a moment... If you know you're going to leave something of an odorous nature in there that no other human would want to encounter, please do the right thing and leave that in a secondary (distant) bathroom, if available. We'll all be happier - you won't have to apologize profusely and perhaps be embarrassed by your unfortunate super powers and we won't ever know what happened.

On that same topic, we can hear you. Just being one room away doesn't change the physics of sound waves. It might be admirable that you have so much resonance and power in that area, but we're OK with not knowing about it. I mean, after the first fourteen hundred times, it's just not as funny as the first thirteen hundred ninety nine times.

But maybe it's just me. Maybe I've changed. I hear that can happen. Who wouldn't love living with the habits of a fourteen-year-old boy? All that youthful exuberance right here at home. It should make me feel young, yes?