Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Addicted to the Faux Knife

I think I'm addicted to plastic photoshop surgery. It all started with a passport photo...

I had to get my passport renewed, and rather than go to the trouble to shoot my own, I though it would be faster and easier to have it done at a postal store. Then I saw the photo.

Wow - it's like there are special cameras built with WideFace, BaggyEye technology. We saw similar results in photos taken on last year's cruise. We'd never looked more pasty and bloated, and that was before all those nights of good food.

There was no way I could live with such a terrible photo for the next ten years - yup - I'm totally vain. Back to the "home studio," which entails setting up the camera on a tripod in the bathroom - the only room in the house with a white door that will work for the approved background.

And the nice thing about shooting in the bathroom, aside from the ease of making pit stops at any moment, is the handy mirrors, brushes, makeup, etc. The tough part is getting the focus right, since I don't have a remote cable/control, so the solution is to use a trusty teddy bear.

Standing halfway between the camera and the backdrop, I hold the bear up where my head will be, then press the shutter down (on a timer), and then quickly stand where the teddy bear was just "standing."

It only took about 13 tries, but I got something I could use. Then I did a little post-processing to remove any unsightly blemishes. While I was at it, I realized I still had those pesky bags under my eyes. Hmm...

A few clicks later - bagless eyes. That was easy. Clear skin AND no dark circles and bags, all without surgery or injections, swelling or pain. It's all maybe a little *too* easy...

So, we went from this: to this:

And for the eye surgery, we went from this:

To this:

It's subtle, but I was very pleased with the results. So much so, that I've been doctoring other photos for practice, and now it seems I can't stop.

The problem now, though, is that when anyone compares the real thing to the photo, they're going to think I've been on a three-day bender or it's time for another trip to the plastic surgeon.

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