Tuesday, February 28, 2006

What to Wear

I have to find a suitable dress for my date at City Hall next month. The dress I found online that looked like it would be a great option looked like a house dress when I put it on.

Not sure what happened between the time I saw it in the catalog and when it arrived - Ethel Mertz got to it. I guess I'll have to physically go to Nordstroms.

Before I sign off, here's a tip for any men reading this who park in a public parking lot: If you find yourself walking to your car behind a woman, it doesn't matter if you're Ghandi himself, put some space between yourself and the woman ahead of you.

Of course you shouldn't have to, and I shouldn't have to worry who the hell is behind me, but we all need to be aware of our surroundings.

So, don't walk right behind her, and when she turns to look you in the eye to let you know she knows you're there, do NOT stare at her like you just landed on this planet.

Don't look at her like you can't imagine why she might be looking at you - just give a polite head nod and then go about your business. It's really easy to do - trust me - and she'll appreciate it.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Skating to the 70s

I'm fairly certain one of the Olympic competitors just skated a portion of her long program to an orchestral arrangement of "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen.

Ice skating used to seem more exciting. You could fudge a few landings, but if you had brilliant choreography and put on a great show, you could eke out a win. Not anymore. Now it's all about the math.

You must now include 12 quadruple jumps, 37 spins at varying heights and speeds, 4 somersaults, 2 in a pike position, and skate all that to a generic symphonic piece because no one's listening to the music.

Most of the programs are surprisingly boring given that they're racing around a slick surface and at any moment could go down in a slippery, icy wipe out.

It might be time to conduct the short track speed skating at the same time as the figure skating.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Crazy Kids

Too crazy for me. While out to dinner tonight there were noisy kids all around us. One behind me wailing, others being loud and pestering diners all around their table, their parents doing nothing to correct their behavior, and one beside us standing up in his chair and walking across the table to his mother, with his father's help.

Let me say that again - the kid walked across the table, with his father's help. How charming!

We sat there incredulous and were soon on our way home. We'll take our lunatic bird and retarded cats over that any day.

At home I found an email from a good friend who's hoping to have baby growing in her woomba right this moment. I couldn't help myself and replied to her that she's going to pass a watermelon through her coo-coo. I can't imagine doing it.

She responded by teasing me about my lax bc habits, but at this point I don't think there are many toy surprises left in my cracker jacks. And we're careful enough.

But I thought about it - what if we had a little kid right now? I got home from work today as tired, or perhaps more so, than when I left this morning. How in the hell could I take care of a kid?

I applaud and respect all the mothers and fathers out there brave enough to take this on and raise quality humans. You're braver than I.

Monday, February 20, 2006

I... am... CoLd!

Jebus crimony, it's friggin cold! I could NOT live in Michigan. Or Chicago. Not unless I was independently wealthy and could run the furnace at full gallop all winter long.

I'm trying to conserve natural gas, but as of today, that dream is dead. I'm taking showers to try to warm up. What a sissy, eh? I know. You don't have to tell me. I'm dreaming of a fleece jumpsuit lined with micro fleece with a fleecy outer later with a fleece top coat, with a fleece hat, scarf, gloves, and booties.

Part of the problem is this beautiful old house doesn't have central heating. It has attic insulation, thankfully, but that only does so much. The front room where the floor heater and fireplace are stays fairly comfortable. But back in my office, I think I can see my breath. I just turned the oven on to warm up the kitchen, all hillbilly style, as David likes to tell me.

Tonight we're going to burn the Sunday NY Times I haven't read like it's a big log of wood. And if we run out of wood, the furniture is next.

This was Seattle's forecast last week, but it feels like ours.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Doing Nothing...

...Has meant doing way more this weekend than I'd planned. Took Ninja to the vet where we had to leave him for 5 hours until he would give up a wee urine sample for testing. Now we're enduring the hissing and aggression as the other cats try to detect that old familiar Ass Monkey smell underneath the scary vet odors.

Then there was weeding, raking, sorting, cooking, driving, shopping, removing the old Dish hardware off the house (worst customer service experiences, ever), and cleaning the backyard - not nearly as much sleeping as I'd planned.

I grabbed some pics off my phone from last week, taken before and while at the conference in Seattle. The 415 flashbacks were everywhere.

The only open (reserved) parking place left that morning at the Bart lot.

A number posted inside the Bart car I was in that afternoon.

The number of a room in the Seattle Library where we attended the conference.
A fun coincidence, but a tad eerie.

Friday, February 17, 2006

Home Sweet Home

There's no place like home... Home, home on the range, where the bird and the retarded cats play...

It was wonderful to finally get home last night after Southwest fucked us with a late flight they didn't even try to explain. It's obvious they couldn't care less. What a bunch of grumblecake losers.

Home by midnight, in bed by 1 a.m., then I had to get up early to go to City Hall and get the official paperwork for next month.

Couldn't wait to get home after work and collapse on the couch. After a stop at the store for firewood, red wine and other critical supplies, I was home, ready to relax into Friday night.

Our pleasant time was quickly ruined when Ninja, Chimpee the Ass Monkey, aka "Coat Fucker," peed into a box of new garden lights I had on the dining room table.

He's done this a few times before, but seemingly only in times of extreme stress, like after we moved here. We quickly cleaned up that nightmare and a few minutes later the littlest one upchucked her dinner. She'd eaten a scrap of Henry's toy & garked it back up.

Got that all cleaned up and went to the store to buy another litter box just for Chimpee. Brought it home, set it up, then sat down to have some red wine and bread with olive tapenade.

David had been snacking while I was at the store and there was a bite of bread left in the bowl. I went to eat it and right when I put it into my mouth he said, "oh, I may have dropped that on the floor."

I spat it out and just stared at him. I'm too tired to be angry. I'm not sure what happened to the planets today, but something is awry and I hope it corrects itself soon.

Thursday, February 16, 2006


Forgetting my coat was a great mistake - I now have a beautiful new black, camel hair coat that looks like it was made for me AND it was on sale.

Went to Nordie's flagship store with Cameron and our good friend, Patricia Belyea, and they were the best personal shoppers I could have asked for.

We were in & out of there in 5 minutes. It would have taken me a half an hour to even find the coats, and likely another half hour to find a coat I might like. We then went to an amazing dinner at The Oceanaire Seafood Room.

Had a dreamy cup of lobster bisque, a few tasty apps and a smooth bottle of... Wait for it... wait for it... pinot noir from the Cameron Winery in Oregon.

Time to get back to the conference & then head back home.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006


Here I am, in lovely, cold Seattle, and I forgot my fucking coat. I forgot my coat. I forgot it. My coat.

It's at home, on the hook, where I thought I could easily grab on the way out of the house.

But NO. I was distracted and ran out of the house with out it. I realized it when I got out of the car at the airport. I FORGOT MY COAT!

It's cold already - in the 40s during the day - and it's going to get colder. All I have with me are fleece pullovers, scarves, gloves and a knit cap.


Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Layers of Fleece

Tonight I'm off to Seattle to attend a usability design conference and I'm looking forward to it - to using my brain for something other than spreadsheets and process. What I'm not looking forward to is 20 degree weather.

When it was confirmed I would be attending this conference, I thought what great timing - it would be nice in Seattle. A little chillier than here, but still mild. Wrong.

Now all of a sudden freezing cold air that was settled over Alaska is going to drift down to the Bay Area, which means Seattle's going to be freezing ass cold. Great. Shmick's will have to keep me warm with Happy Hour specials.

But for now, Happy Valentine's Day! We had our little celebration last night, and David was sweet enough to save me halves of some of the chocolate:

Sunday, February 12, 2006

Shiny and Cheesy

I'm not sure what day it is - the weekend went by in a blur. Saturday was spent running errands where each store seemed to hold us hostage, keeping us from getting home to relax.

In CompUSA (compoohsah) I found a handy gadget for my laptop and then I lost David. Looked all over that damn store and he was gone. Whenever this happens I think, This is it, he's been kidnapped by super secret top agents who go looking for game designers with programming and Flash skills. I'll spend the rest of my life searching for him and my story will end up on Lifetime, re-enacted by Jo Beth Williams.

It did become frightening because that store (in Emeryville) isn't very big, not like losing someone in a Costco where if that happened, you'd have to make fliers to post on the registers. Of course I found him, but then it was off to the next stop where again, it all seemed to take too long.

Today I took a drive out to Walnut Creek to a jewelry store looking for The Band for The Day of The Event. The band I thought I wanted didn't work at all, but we just happened to be at a case full of very sparkly shiny things, natch, and the manager spotted something he thought I should look at. Blam. Sold.

After that I took a mini road trip to San Jose to see if the parental units were back from their trip to Antarctica. Had a nice chat and soon it was time to head back up the highway. But first... a stop to pick up dinner. Frankie Johnny & Luigi's was kind enough to make me one of their delicious pizzas to take home to bake.

Got the pizza home after stopping at Home Depot for a giant terra cotta saucer - a $7 pizza stone. And you don't have to use it just for pizza. Just having it in your oven when you bake helps maintain a constant temperature.

And it's true that you can do anything when you have the right tools. I do not have the right tools for pizza baking. The $7 stone - great - if the pizza had fit on it -- but first I had to get the doughy pie out of the cardboard box. Had I been thinkin Ida told them to put it on top of a sheet of foil. Live & learn.

Finally got the bastard out of the box & onto a large cutting board & shimmied it onto the oven rack. It smelled divine - FJ&L's crust is fantastic. When it was done cooking I took out the entire oven rack with the pizza on it - easy enough, right? No.

I tried to get that thing off the rack and of course it stuck just a little in all the wrong places. One half was successfully rescued while the other half separated into a glop of doughy cheese and pepperoni in the center and perfectly baked crust at the edge. Whatever. I like the crusty end better anyway.

Friday, February 10, 2006


If only I had the picture to go with the headline. A crafty designer I know made a HI-larious comp this week using a photo of a guy holding giant halves of a watermelon - one in each hand - wearing a wide, "I can't believe my luck" grin across his face.

This concept ties into a running joke at work about someone in another department who has trouble maintaining eye contact with busty ladies. While his behavior is disgusting, it's provided some of the best office material yet, causing us to do impressions of his "ticks" while talking to each other.

We've added our own flair in the form of truly disturbing and wholly inappropriate hand gestures combined with meaningless corporate speak the likes of which hasn't been heard since 1999.

For those of you who want to try this at home, you'll need to use your hands and fingers to help communicate your "support" for the "two main objectives" we need to "get our hands on" and "work through as a team," "focusing on the details" while not losing site of the "big picture," because we may need to "massage the numbers" in an effort to "understand both angles," so we can "arrive at a common goal" everyone can "wrap their heads around." Experiment with your own combinations.

Sunday, February 05, 2006


Another Superbowl has passed quietly into, well, the past. We decided early on that Seattle can't win a Superbowl - they have coffee, gorgeous scenery, and Shmick's happy hour where you can buy shrimp cocktail or the same burger served in the dining room for $8 for just $1.95.

On business trips to Seattle we always made time for Schmick's and would want to order two burgers for $1.95 and throw one of them on the floor - because they're only $1.95. Drinking too much too early in the day can make that seem like a fine idea.

Without a Superbowl win, what else does Pittsburg have? I've never been there, so I don't know, but from all I've seen in the movie All The Right Moves (RIP Chris Penn), it seems like they *need* to win the Superbowl.

But who cares? I just burned three paragraphs on that. Sorry. It must be obvious - I didn't have much going on this weekend, and it was fantastic.

Watched The Upside of Anger on HBO HD. Great movie - probably the best work Kevin Costner's ever done. And there's a dinner table scene that was so good, I yelped when it happened & scared the cat right off my lap.

Took a trip to Target for all the requisite household supplies and later, trimmed my hair. Thought about messing around with highlights, but you can really mess that up, and if you do, your stylist gets to make all sorts of fun of you while charging you a shitload of money to fix it.

So, I should really go now & get back to all the stuff we've got going on right now.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Where's my JetSkiCycle?

How the hell did it get to be Feburary? 2006? And where are the flying cars & jet packs? I could use a jet pack about now, or maybe a jet ski with a special cover that would prevent me from getting soaked while commuting across the bay.

How cool would that be? Jet-skiing to work... I like that idea a lot. It would have to be an amphibious model with wheels to enable cruising through town to a motorcycle parking spot. I don't know why we don't already have these.

In other news, this post is helping me procrastinate the completion of a project plan, something I hate doing because it requires jumping down a rabbit hole until you're done, and I hate being unavailable to possible fun. But alas... here I go...